I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
