my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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