I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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