sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
