i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
