I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
