she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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