Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
