woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
