I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
