just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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