is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Randomize
