So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
And then he peed in my hair
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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