hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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