everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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