she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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