I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
