there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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