So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
