I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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