I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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