Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
