Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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