How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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