I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
