Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
