Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
