Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize