You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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