i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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