Midget sex pt 2 tonight
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
