She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
