Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
