You took a bar mat shot.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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