If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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