Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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