I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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