let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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