Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize