she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
