Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
