I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
