no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
