She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
