they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
