The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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