he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
