I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Your dad touched me again.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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