TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
