Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
