I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
