i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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