It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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