party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
