hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize