Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Michael Bay diarrhea
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
