AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
wow bdsm is so cute
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