Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
