I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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