I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
