I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
