Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
