i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
