You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My dick has a subreddit
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
